The Greatest Love Affair

There can be no hesitancy in accepting our task 

to love fully, unconditionally, devotedly that most

important person in our world; ourselves.

No one will be with us longer, no one will know

us better, no one will be a more staunch advocate 

for us than us.

The world will lie and tell you self-love is a bad

idea, because the world wants you to fail. If you

doubt this, stop being the person everyone in your

realm wants you to be, and watch as your usefulness

to others disappears. Utility is fleeting and favor is

easily lost.

Only I can be trusted with my innermost secrets,

my deepest plans, and my most vulnerable emotions.

The idea that another will treat them well and protect,

heal, and nurture these aspects is insanity. Even the 

codependent have an agenda; they give to you what you 

desire so that you will stay. Behind the veneer, there is

selfishness in all we do.

Lack of self-love leads to poor eating habits, lack

of exercise, blurry boundaries in relationships, not

defending ourselves, accepting less than we deserve in life, 

and to accommodate others before self.

Self-love is often whitewashed as cruel and synonymous

with insensitivity; one has nothing to do with the other.

How can you be of use to others if you don't know your

own worth and the reward of self-responsibility?

Putting another's needs first isn't love; it's alteration of

the natural order. We have self-preservation for a reason.

Don't let all the fancy consumerism and bright lights 

distract you; we're animals, we're in a fight for our very

existence, and we all die alone and afraid. Might as well

be happy with who you're left with at the end.

Leaps of Faith

As we are willing to explore and discover who we are
as individuals, the act of exploring as well as the results may
become unpalatable for those people in our lives. We may
find conflict emerging as there is external resistance to change
occurring in the familiar and expected.

Human beings have enough difficulty with changes to the
status quo that they have a hand in facilitating. When the
alteration is unexpected, they are even more disturbed.

It's hard to replace a comfortable, familiar known--even if it
is no longer working for us--with an unknown of possibilities
and dreams. No matter how fervently we are working towards a goal, the
idea of being on a journey and not being at a destination is one that is
anathema to most Americans. We are taught to want solid, dependable
fare. To have proper funds, etc

It takes courage, vision, insight, and a lot of faith in self to venture into
a new life, particularly if we're trailblazing into the unknown or the unpopular.
Think of how the first settlers must have felt, heading off into the West with
no idea of what was there. Imagining, hoping, praying, but having nothing more to rely
on than rumor, gut instinct, and desire.

There will be resistance
There will be discord. Jealousy  people taking it personally-rejection
Confusion

Preparing for Battle

"To every thing a season....."

I have learned a great deal about acceptance

and "Letting Go" as much needed life lessons

during this past year. But I have to remember

that no solution is an absolute solution, to be

applied universally. There are times when we

have to find our inner warrior. No one else can do it

for us.

"Clean up, suit up, show up, pay attention,

and WORK!" as a friend of a friend was known to say.

Yeah, that's a simple concept...that I lost track of;

the importance of doing the work that's needed.

(And for me, the lesson is not just easing through

things or reacting to life; you have to mentally and

emotionally situate yourself before you ever leave the

house. Hell, before you get out of bed!)

I had lost contact with my inner warrior.

I lost my Mojo in a major way. Not wanting to live

anymore will do that to you, I suppose. Actively

wanting to die kind of puts a fine point on it, too.

But at the end of the day, the realization that my

inability to depend on other--or outside influence

of any kind--had scared me badly.

I felt so desolate and alone; I forgot I still had my

Most Valuable Resource, though neglected and

out of shape. Me.

Capable, insightful, talented, beautiful, loving, fierce,

artistic, trail-blazing, unique me. My one greatest gift

and asset.

I think the notion of ego and self-care gets such a bad

rap in this country....Promoting self is not a bad thing.

In fact, we have to do it to survive. To be demure or

to ride ourselves about mistakes risks destroying our already

fragile souls. We need to be lifted up, respected, loved,

embraced, and believed in...and it starts within.

I had a choice this week; Roll over and die, or rise up

and fight like my life depended on it. Because it does.

This is the decision we all face every day;

Live, or die. It's inherent in every choice we make, little

or big; eat properly, allow stress to reign, continue bad

habits, isolate or join, stay in the bed or get up, give up

or keep fighting. It'll never be 'easy,' but just making the

choice to TRY turns the battle.

"Character is defined by what you do on the 15th attempt."

I can. I think I will. Just do it.

Drop all the fears of others' reactions, ignore the trepidation

within, don't worry about being understood; just live the life

you were meant to. Or take risks discovering what that is.

I hope and pray that every one of you decide to dig

deep and fight when it's your turn at the bat. It's

within us, waiting to be awakened.

Much love,

Robert

April 22, 2010

Good morning all....


I hope for a day of productivity and promise

for everyone.


Remember; we have more strength than we

know.


And the struggle is the journey. You're in the

right place.


Much love, Robert

********************************

When I start to nay-say and talk myself out of

doing what is uniquely me or morally correct...

let me remember that it is in quiet moments

like these throughout time when character is

decided.



No one else can decide how best to express

the love and creativity you have. Don't let fear

of others' reactions determine what you do in

life.



Let the motivation lead, and the boldness follow.


"Be faithful and strong;

it's definitely a choice....

you don't have to have courage

to give it a voice."



*********************************

(adapted from "Daily Inspiration")
When you feel the need to tell someone how bad your day has been, tell them how good it's been instead. Let me to highlight the parts of my day that will bring me to a peaceful and joyful place.

There is always a reason why people act as they do. Let me to be more patient and understanding.

Shame

We are not saddled with the
burden of too much natural
innate shamefulness when we
are ushered in to this world.


Some may be bashful by nature,
others outspoken, but in general
the only hardwired sense of self
is in regard to romantic feelings
and possibly resistance to
being the object of scorn.


We are taught everything
else.


Taught to feel shame for our
bodies,
shame for being attracted to
other bodies,
shame for our bodies' natural
reactions and activities....


Taught shame for our brains
being 'too smart' or 'not smart
enough.'


Shame for our economics.


Shame for our ideas and dreams.


Taught to be ashamed of our
friends and family.


Shame for differences, standing
apart, being unique.


Shame for weakness.


And we're taught this shame by a
collective representing the
established whims of the local ruling
parties;
the school system...
families...
the church....
peers....
communities....
law enforcement.....
the media.....


It starts early
and continues in overt and covert
means for a lifetime.


Today, let me put aside the shame
that I have subscribed to
unwittingly and unwillingly
and be at one with my true self.
Let me extend conscious thought
to being kind and open
to the differences in all people
I come across in my journey.


Being in the minority or
receiving antagonism does not
indicate wrong.....
it just indicates resistance.


Let me stand against
those who would insist on
uniformity rather than unity.
Even if I am the only one who
sees the need.

Balance: Not Throwing The Baby Out

Self-will, thoughts, feelings...
They are the same as
money, weapons, or pride.....
They have no intrinsic morality.
They are neutral essences.

They have the capacity to be
misused...but they can be used
for good or ill. 

They are not
to be feared or avoided...
it's simply a matter
of choosing and using
wisely.


Self-will, ego, and pride
are much maligned...
but they are necessary
components of every life.


Yes, taken to extremes,
they damage (like
most everything.)

But at their root,
we need these things for our
survival.

To care for self, to want to thrive,
to push on, to fight for yours,
to care deeply and passionately...
these are the very
blood of life.

Superiority and Inferiority

No one of us is any better or worse

than another.

No one more important...

No one whose contribution

serves no purpose.

The path not my own is no less valid.

Your idea does not detract

nor distract from mine...

my feelings should not

influence or impact you.

We walk together,

no matter the journey,

the pace,

the footwear,

the traveling music,

or the destination.

Seeing the Truth

Universe...
Truth....
Light....

Rise up in the people--
show them that
Thoughts are not Demons
Desires are not Sins...

that our humanity is to be
embraced,
not feared.

We are equally flawed and blessed;
this is the balance of our makeup.
There is no attaining perfection
in this form..
merely balancing
and connecting.

The unique magnificence
of our creation;
No two are alike,
yet all are One.

In the quest for defining
and discerning
let us see openness as
the ultimate Authority...
Serendipity as cosmic
purpose.

We are not Evil and
in need of saving;
we are merely
Living and in need
of Loving.

Pushing Past Outside Influences; Just Do It

I never knew I had so many flaws in need of fixing til I came
around a church of any sort! And what cures the sickness?
Coming back to the church!

I can't subscribe to a fairy tale belief system of asking and
receiving gifts. Even important gifts are only found through
happenstance or hard work. Life has an abundance of things
both good and bad; everybody has a need and a theory for
explaining life the way they do.

I would never endeavor to change the mind or heart of one
who believes and believes fully. Universe bless you.

It has not been my experience that life can be handled
through release and submission to something outside of me.

In fact, the exact opposite is true. Only through self-reliance,
self-discipline, self-will, and being strong enough to endure
endless pain can I persevere.If not me, then who?

I can't put forth to Jesus or whomever that I just 'trust' my
problems will be solved. Even the followers know they have to
provide hard work, discipline, effort, action, devotion, and
dedication to get their results! So what's the diff? How do sinners
receive blessings and prosperity?

(There are of course magical caveats to "God answers prayer.";
1)that not all your prayers get answered the way you want
2)that the answering of a prayer may not come in a timely fashion
3)that unanswered prayers are a test of faith
4)that sometimes God says "NO"
5)that you aren't praying the right way
etc, etc....keep spinning the wheel til you come up with one that suits
you/is a sign from God.

The power of religion and the business of God are all self-fulfilling
prophecy; one assertion begets the next. If I believe myself to
have no capability or self-control, then I surely won't have it.

Would I like the idea of a Supernatural Daddy that erases tears
and fills me with happiness and peace and promises of another
world where all this is a distant memory? Sure, who wouldn't.

But I have not found this to be the case, no matter how desperately
I have worked towards it. Those who need to believe will of course
say that I didn't work hard enough, feel motivational pain deeply
enough, or have enough faith. That's fine as well.

I can assume three potential possibilities based on others' assertions;

a) That the idea of man's inability to handle his own life was created
as an impetus for promoting the idea of an outside source of worship
((a.k.a.; They lied))

b) That such a creature exists and I am too wretched and lazy and
broken to be able to communicate with or find it; the problem lies
solely within me.

or c) This mystical creature doesn't exist.

Another Version of Success

Not accomplishing what was

intended is not a failure. Not

all efforts meet with society's

version of 'success.'

In not meeting expectations,

we succeed by; learning how

to stay strong, persevere,

remain committed, alter our

thinking, try new tactics,

seek help when necessary,

rely on friends, practice faith,

retool our idea, develop more

confidence, get a sense of

humor, expand our horizons,

get the word out, and much more.

Things don't happen overnight.

Give yourself a break.

Give yourself a chance.

Give your idea and your efforts

the time to get noticed and get

solidly supported.

If you lose your spirit now, you

might not be 'where you need to be'

when the break happens.

Success doesn't happen in a first

attempt (except in rare freak

accidents.)

Success comes from a thousand

nights of late hours, plenty of

bumps and bruises, plenty of

footprints on our egos, a million

moments of disbelief being

overcome, and a bunch of skeptics.

Keep hope alive,

Missing

If you can't find a light,
become one.

Switching obsessions

All my focus is on changing others,
proving them wrong, expecting my
needs to be magically understood and
met, and trying to 'help' others out.

Instead of working on my own issues
and situations.

I always felt so overwhelmed by my
own problems that I simply gave up
on trying to do anything about them.

Now, it's easier to be distracted by
helping others than to focus on the real
things needing attention in my life.

There is a huge difference in being caring
and being a caretaker. If I find myself
trying to become so significant in another
person's life, maybe it's because I don't
feel I matter otherwise?

Or perhaps I am simply regurgitating old
habits. I know that as an addict, I am prone
to extremism.
It is so very possible for me
to exchange one addiction/obsession for
another, regardless of the 'healthier' angle
to it.

I can just as easily become immersed in a person,
a relationship, an idea, a cause, a theory, a
job, a hangout, or whatever....anything that is
outside of me and takes the focus from being on
the things I want to avoid.

Let me gently remember that my focus
needs to first and foremost be on me.
My basic needs, my comfort, my wants,
my dreams, my purpose. Afterwords, I
can offer myself to others.

But I must be interacting as a whole being,
not seeking to become whole as a result of my
interaction with another person, place, or thing.

Learning to be me is an ongoing process,
but I must maintain healthy barriers to those
near me during the process. Let me see the
difference between being available to others
and trying to save/live through others.

Connections

I release the potency of another;
no one is more significant than me.

I release the power of hurt feelings;
no words or actions should prevent
me from living, trying, being.

I detach from the past; I do not
have to dwell on old pains or allow
them to taint the perfectness of now.

I accept that life is full of possibility;
I first have to retrain my mind and
body to allow for love and health to
be a part of my equation.

My old ways of seeing and hearing
are not necessarily realistic; I will
not jump to conclusions about people,
their motives, or their ideas.

One bad thought does not make a bad time.
One bad time does not make a bad week.
A bad week does not make a bad life.
A bad past does not dictate a bad future.

An unkind word does not make for an
cruel friend. I can stop the
insanity of pre-emptive strikes when it
comes to my relationships. My inability
to trust doesn't make people untrustworthy.

Perspective, calm, and acceptance.
One situation at a time.
I can stop predicting the future and allow it to
happen.

Doing without

It's good for us to want things.
It builds character.

If I had everything I wanted,
what would I have left to work
towards?

If I had no struggle to attain,
achieve, or maintain, what value
would things have.

I have lived with an expectation that
things 'should' be mine, or that I
'deserved' things. The idea of wanting
something--or someone--was automatically
connected to the expectation
that I should have it.
Disappointment followed.

It's a given that not everyone
will have the same things.
Why do I torment myself with
comparisons and evaluations?
My duty lies in finding happiness
with what I have, and finding
contentment with what life delivers.

There is no promise of balance,
no mean definition of what 'prosperity'
will be for everyone. If I am still and
honest, I see that I have more than
I need. My goal is to find peace with
that.

It is only when I look at perceived
'lacking' and ignore my abundance
that I am discontent.

I don't have the material things that
others have. I am not burdened by not
having these things. All is well.

I am not ready for a relationship,
so I do not have a relationship.
All is well.

The person I care for is not with me,
but is happy and whole and cared for.
All is well.

I wish to travel and explore, but don't
because I have obligations which give me
purpose. All is well.

Everywhere I see a lack, I must remember
that there is a reason. Sometimes it benefits
me, sometimes another. Sometimes, an
unanswered prayer is a gift of its own.

I will be grateful for what is, and stop
bellyaching about perceived slights of the
universe. The world simply is....there is no
imbalance of love. Let me seek to change what
needs changing in me to find what it is I need,
not necessarily want.

Easy, easy

Easy, easy, slow and steady.

I get busy and stay busy,
working towards my needs.

I may not feel like it, I may
not be motivated. I may be tired
and sore and depressed..
but still I make myself move.

One step at a time,
one moment at a time,
one decision at a time,
one thought at a time.

Leaving off the past....
it does not command me.
Setting free expectations...
they only sabotage me.

Nothing is worth getting upset
over. Nothing is worth worrying
over. There is balance between
moving forward and obsessing
over how it will play out.

I detach from all people,
places, and things. I can only do
right by others, but I cannot try
and draw them to me.
My first priority is to self.

If I am caring for self,
being true to self,
and defending myself,
taking responsibility for all
my own thoughts, feelings,
actions and needs....I do not
need to blame another.


I can only
live as best I know how right
here and now, and I can't
put the weight of my happiness
on specific circumstance.

I choose to be happy that the
sun is shining, that I have time to
myself, that my life can be simple
if I refuse to let in the drama.

Things are not that bad.
Things will be all right.
Live your life and leave others
to live theirs; I am not needed to
fix them and they are not needed
to absolve me.

All is well with things just as they are.

Stay in the Moment

I am no longer a child, and I must learn to
act accordingly.

No person may make me do what I do not wish
to do.

No person can make me feel ashamed without
my permission.

No one can alter how I feel on the inside.

I can rationalize and comprehend that people
who care for me will not try to control or change me.

I do not have to be in the company of anyone
I don't choose to be.

I will not let others steal my joy.

I will not let others live 'rent-free' in my head.

I will change my circumstance if necessary. I am
not set in stone with any situation. I can master
my own destiny and outlook.

I am capable and strong and have resources now.

I am not a victim to conflict and chaos, despite
how I might react to it initially.

I will be calm, cool, and relaxed before making rash
decisions which will hurt only me.

I am not reliant on an outside source for salvation.
I am strong and capable on my own.

Working through Conflict/Difficult Situations...Reminders

It's not all about me

Perspective

Distance

What they do and say is not my concern; what I do and say is.
I cannot be a sponge for my environment


I could be wrong, too.

Maybe I just can't stand to be criticized. Or controlled. Or told what to do.
Or corrected. Or spoken down to. Or not have my genius recognized
etc etc. Let it be. It isn't my business...how they run their
business isn't my business.

Stop creating drama. Their being crazy doesn't require my stamp or approval
or commentary It has nothing to do with me

If the drama of the present is tapping into something deeper, that's my issue to work out independently

Who am I to judge?

Who gives a flip?

SHUT THE HECK UP!

Let it be

It's okay just the way it is

Acceptance


If I don't show a different way, how will they ever know it?

How much do you really believe in the principles you proclaim if they
shift or are weakened at the introduction of something different? This
is what strength of character is all about. This IS the work.

Carry these principles into all our affairs

Some can find fault in everything, but it takes a good and
loving heart to find goodness, especially when it is less than
obvious. Mercy, bless me with gentleness and patience and
the determination not to complain.

There is much wisdom in knowing what to overlook. Peace,
may I take every opportunity to praise and choose carefully
when I feel the need to criticize.

We must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid
reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to ourselves and to
others. (As Bill Sees It)

Meditation For The Day (24 Hours a Day)
Be calm, be true, and be quiet. Do not get emotionally upset by anything
that happens around you. Feel a deep, inner security in the goodness and
purpose in the universe. Be true to your highest ideals. Do not let
yourself slip back into the old ways of reacting. Stick to your spiritual
guns. Be calm always. Do not talk back or defend yourself too much
against accusation, whether false or true. Accept criticism as well as you
accept praise.

Prayer For The Day:
I pray that I may not be upset by the judgment of others.


I do not have to react to others

I do not have to say everything that comes to mind

I cannot change others' it is not my job to try

It doesn't matter in the scheme of things

My thoughts and feelings are very insignificant

I could be wrong

External things do not have control over me

I am free to walk away

I have options

Adversity is not the end of my world

This is nothing much in the scheme of things

Conflict is a normal part of life

My reaction has to do with my emotional state/vulnerability; other people are not responsible for that

Take a giant step--or two--back

Wait to speak

Be the bigger person

Be the kind of person I want to be; do not be affected by the other person
s state of mind/energy

Focus on good things; stay disconnected from the insanity

Pray

Realize how very little time you are having to endure something (comparatively)

This, too, shall pass

Hardships are an opportunity to grow mentally, spiritually,

It's just a person...it's just a place...it's just a thing; it isn't the whole of reality. It isn't my world. It doesn't have to be.

Think good thoughts (Sound of music)

Little Things

Instead of dreading the things I 'must' do today,
let me choose to delight in all things.

I will walk the dogs with a sense of adventure and
excitement, knowing that I never know what will
happen when I leave the house. I will focus on the
fact that I am getting fresh air, exercise, and being of
service to my animals.

I will use time spent doing laundry and the dishes
to reflect on the blessings that I have; not everyone
has a home, nor clothes, nor dishes. Not everyone is
able to do for themselves. Not everyone has food.
I have more than I realize, always.

Car problems are preferable to being without a car.

Annoyances of friends are a reminder that we could
always be alone, and have no such blemishes to
overlook. There's always the possibility that a friend
is overlooking our defects, too. It helps to remember that.

I can use chores and driving as a time to meditate
and reflect on good things; things that have gone right,
positive outcomes to current dilemmas, wishes and
prayers for others and myself, or dreams for the future.

People who talk about things that annoy me are a chance
to practice patience, love, tolerance, and discipline.
I can do anything for a few minutes that I would not want
to do all day. Bad experiences are also good for helping us
to appreciate our freedom!

Shamelessness & Self Promotion (Good things!)

Today I will focus on the blessings and positive
things in my life and the world around me.

I will not listen to television news or radio
reports of gossip, dread, bad news, fretting,
or fearfulness.

I will speak no ill of another human being;
not to their face, behind their back, or even
in my own head.

I will smile despite disappointment. I will not
allow circumstance the power to dictate my mood.

I will show the real me in my actions.
I am NOT: jealousy, nor anger, nor resentment,
nor sarcasm. These are only surface level responses
I use to disguise pain and create distance.

I will choose to tell myself:
"I love you."
"I am worthwhile."
"I deserve to be happy."
(Even if I do not fully believe these things, nor feel
comfortable saying them, I will indulge. My welfare
is worth a little discomfort.)

I will seek out someone compassionate to talk to
when I need to get some encouragement.

I will concern myself with others' needs, and
ignore my woundedness, hopelessness, and skewed
perception of the world being pointless. Nothing could
be more pointless than continuing to feel sorry for
myself and refusing to do something to positively change
the world around me.

I Choose New Paths of Thought

I choose to let go of my idea of how things
'should' be, and focus on discovering reality.


If I anticipate that things will turn out badly,
they surely will.


If I hold on to an idea that one specific person
can solver all my problems, then I will not be
concentrated on solving them for myself,
or allowing life simply to be. It also places
and unfair burden on the other person.


My ideas of what friendship and love 'have'
to be in order to be valid have crippled what
relations I have had and prevented others from
occurring.


Things are never as bad as I imagine them to be.
I need to worry less and release more. I will cease
'reading into things' and simply allow other people
their ideas, opinions, moods, and situations without
feeling the need to 'fix' or interfere with them.


My attachment to the way I think (out of habit)
and the things I expect has ruined the flow of
life for me. It is not life that is bad; it's my tainted and
twisted view of it.


I reject my rigid thinking--it has never solved any
of my problems. Unbeknownst to me, it worsened or
added to many non-problems.


Today, I choose to unclench, and allow that there may
be another side to everything besides my perception.

This Day

"The universe always gives me the best

possible results. Today I will focus on

the gifts in my life. I will show gratitude

for what it working rather than dwelling

on what is not. I will notice how my own

level of awareness shapes my perception

of the world I am co-creating."

Deepak Chopra

EVERYbody

Everybody feels like their efforts are unnoticed
and certainly unappreciated, sometimes.

Everybody compares their bodies to others',
especially when the jeans don't fit or the scale jumps up.

Everybody think that people are looking down on them
or talking behind their back....at least occasionally.

Everybody feels like they could do with a little more
love and a lot less stress.

Everybody questions whether friends and lovers are true,
whether words can be trusted, whether anything is sure.

Everybody stumbles, hurts, doubts, questions, hates,
fears, and falls; some just hide it better than others.

Everybody would like to run away, start a brand new life,
leave all their troubles 'behind'; at least once in a while.

Everybody regrets something (or many somethings) from their
life, and wonders when they will be forgiven.

Everybody hates at least parts of the life they have wound
up with, and has resentments and grief; even if only quietly.

Everybody has to use the facilities daily....it's never pretty....
we're all self-conscious about others' senses giving us away.

Everybody becomes a baby when they're sick; we all worry
that we're going to die because of a stomach ache.

Everybody feels they don't measure up, aren't good looking,
or doesn't have anything to offer.

How we deal with all of this is what distinguishes us from
one another.

Perspective and Courage

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius




Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened.
Dr. Seuss




There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.
Mark Twain



Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.
William Shakespeare



When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion.
Abraham Lincoln




Not being able to govern events, I govern myself.
Michel de Montaigne




To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves.
Will Durant

Our Closest Attachments

The saying goes that something can only hurt you if it's close to you,
but isn't it just as true to say that the 'closer' we are to something
allows it to hurt us?

The more attachment we have to a sensationalized 'need' (whether it
be a person, place, thing, idea, or feeling) the more we are made weak
by a perceived dependence.

I can allow myself to feel directed and controlled by romance, lust, greed,
approval, hurt, neediness, loneliness, lacking, and more. But if I accept that
nothing outside of me has any bearing on me, then lower level emotions like
jealousy, fear, worry, and the like become illusion.

There's nothing wrong with having feelings for other people and allowing
them space --and even significance-- in our world, but we go overboard.

We typically don't have a complete and whole universe where we function
autonomously and others are peripherally intact. We become enmeshed.

We become addicted to one person providing us with the love and support
we feel we need to make it through daily life. We stick to favorite eating
places. We drive the same way home every day. We avoid difference and
newness at every turn.

We start with impulse, which fuels desire, which leads to expectation.
When expectation isn't met, we face disappointment and disillusionment
and the idea that we 'need' to have something we have been deprived of begins.

In order to separate from such a void or become stable, I must eliminate
all expectation and demands from the Universe.

There is nothing promised to me, even basic breath and life. Each moment
that I exist is a miracle of opportunity and blessings that I can see if I
remove the blinders of my limited thinking.

Every person is a potential friend.
Every circumstance could be our last on the planet.
Every beloved person can leave us, betray us, die.
All aspects of the world we live in are ever-changing and fluid;
we can only flow with the rhythm of whatever occurs. Or be broken by it.

Our Closest Attachments, part 2

If we associate spirituality too closely with specific ideas,
specific groups, specific buildings, and specific rituals, we
lose out on the whole of true spiritual experience.

If we place too much trust or esteem in any one person,
we are building ourselves up for a fall. The humanity of the
individual is not at fault; our unrealistic expectations have
made us prey to doused hope.

The more we practice too much need or dependence on too
few for too often, we are allowing ourselves to fall into a trap.
We become spiritually lazy by looking for regularity and
rigidity and consistency in a world where such things are an
illusion and a deception.

There is chaos and there is coincidence and there is happenstance.
But we have no understanding of the workings of this world. Of what
motivates others. Of what will happen in five minutes, or five days,
or five years. Or even IF there will be something in five minutes.

We are meager creatures at the mercy of the whim of the unseen,
and only by accepting that helplessness and ignorance to we have
a chance of surviving. When I try and fit everything into a tiny and
comfortable pigeonhole with simplistic workings, I hinder my growth.

Whether people act as I think they 'should' or not is not the issue; the
issue is why do I care how people act?
Why do I expect and demand?
Why do I perceive a need that would be met by outside forces?
Why is my mood and outlook affected by the slightest change in external
circumstances?
Why do I not keep focus on my insides alone?
Why do I persist in wanting to control people, places, and things?
Why is my sense of self dictated by others' interest (or lack thereof?)
How do I learn to detach from these bad habits?

There is a happy medium between being obsessed with others and being
disconnected.

There is a middle ground between being controlled by others and having no
use for others.

There can be a balance between never being alone with your own thoughts
and isolating like a hermit.

I want for hurt feelings to be a thing of the past. I want to interact with people
without needing them. I want to understand on a primal level that what other
people do, say, think, etc. are of no concern to me. I want to stop demanding
and start experiencing.

For this to begin, I have to improve the level of questions I am willing to
ask myself about the world I find myself in, and the part I play in it.

"Everything is going to be all right."

It isn't some crazy notion lacking contact with life's
circumstances.

At the end of the day, it is a real and
powerful assessment of the significance of our silly
troubles (big, small and in-between) in the larger
scheme of things.

Negativity and despair can easily become a lifestyle.

When my thinking is devoid of hope, the defeatist
attitude becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Today, I will tell myself that
"Everything will be all right."

Even if I don't believe it, I will tell myself this.

Even if my surroundings and 'evidence' seem
to run contrary to it, I will repeat the mantra.

Even when my supposedly flawless deductive
reasoning tries to convince me of the pointlessness
of it, reminding me of how history has shown the
opposite to be true.

If you go looking for trouble, you're awfully
likely to find it.

If I expect the worst of people and relive hurts,
if I constantly go through a laundry list of worries
and resentments, the end results will reflect that.
Emotions are energy, and energy is powerful.

Many of us have acquired sick thinking and kept
it going through our own devices and choices.
Life can be whatever we make of it.

We are often times worriers, fretters, catastrophizers,
cynics, nay-sayers, trouble-seekers, and critics.
This has not served us well. In fact, perhaps it has
fueled the very fire we sought relief from.

Does "Everything's going to be all right." seem
ridiculous and insincere and insane to me?
How much more insane to think the worst and
complain incessantly for years when there were good
things happening too.

If I cease comparing my rewards to those of others,
if I cease dwelling on and naming my misfortunes,
if I ignore the drama of other people's unrelated
issues and problems; what do I have left?

(Reminding myself that nothing has been promised
to anyone in terms of success, glamor, money, or love.
Every bit that does occur is pure gravy.

What I focus on and believe brings new business into my life.
I can't make a hasty under-the-breath pseudo pledge, then
open my eyes and expect it to appear. It isn't magic.
It takes work.

It took work to wear down a negative groove of expecting
nothing good, and countering these dark thoughts and apathy
will also take some time.

But in the meantime, just for today, assume it were possibly
true; "Everything's going to be all right."
You might surprise yourself.

*****************************************************

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us
are looking at the stars."
- Oscar Wilde


"You can be happy or you can be miserable;
the amount of effort is about the same."
- John Bradshaw


"What we see depends mainly on what we look for."
- John Lubbock

"We will always tend to fulfill our own expectation of ourselves."
- Brian Tracy

Reminder Notes

Robert:

A few memos to keep you stitched together
for another 24 hours!


Be glad in all you do.
Not everything is exciting; cat boxes still need changing
and rude people still exist.
Carry a positive attitude with you and know
that it's all just part of the way of the world.


This moment is all that we have.
Stay focused on it, experience it fully.
This moment is everything.
Slow down, and focus.


You can't avoid conflict; you can control how
you respond to it. Choose wisely.


Who you surround yourself with, what you think,
the things you do, the words you speak all lead
you to the next step of your life.
Decide what is worth your time.
Where possible, don't let your day be dictated to you.


There's no time to waste.
Quit procrastinating, quit spinning wheels,
quit avoiding, quit letting fear rule your mind and
decisions. It doesn't have to work out perfectly;
it doesn't even have to work out. Just do it.

Bad stuff happens. It's part of the whole of life; it isn't
the entirety. Sadness isn't the end of the show.
Setbacks aren't final. "To everything a season..."
There will be difficulties; they are unavoidable, but
not insurmountable.

Loving everyone equally--even when our heart isn't
in it--eliminates a lot of problems. Stop keeping score.
Stop paying attention to annoyances. Stop criticizing.
Make a point to say something nice--and true-- and
recognize the similarities and commonalities.

It's okay if people/activities/relationships don't work
out to your specifications, standards, or demands.
Be loose and be free, appreciating things as being okay
without my interference.

A final word--

There's a lot to apply from these memos. I don't
expect the work to get done today. Consider this
an open-ended assignment; something to work
towards and keep working towards. So long as I
see some progress, it's all good.

Keep in touch, regardless of how things go. I'd like
to be kept abreast of your changes. And, as always,
if you need help, I'm always able to be reached, any
time of the day or night.

I'm really a dream boss; open, easy to talk to,
supportive, and the provider of all benefits. Just get
the work done, and know that I appreciate your efforts.

I try not to involve myself unless asked; people seem
to misinterpret my efforts to help. I find some simple
suggestions for keeping things on track work.
But if there are any questions, or you need feedback of
any kind, I'm here for you.

Thanks,
Good Orderly Devotion
Director of Operations

Just For This Moment....

Just for this moment

Let me be still
Let me allow life to exist without
my orchestrating and protestations

Let me live as if this moment
were my last
worrying about nothing whatsoever

Let me recognize and accept that
everything is okay
and be free from angst, despair, regret,
manipulation or dramatic reaction

Let me try simplicity and peace,
being easy and free, leaving complications
and judgment behind. My opinion matters
very little.

Let me leave the past in the past;
it is only alive so long as I maintain a
connection to it.

Let me embrace this moment, here, now
and nothing more.

Let me release criticism of the world,
of God, of others, and even myself
one thought at a time. Let no gossip
pass my lips.

Let me leave pride and distancedness
and struggle and ego behind,
admitting that I need not be alone,
and that weakness is not defeat.

Let me carry myself towards my ideals
and carry those ideals with me; I need
not be swayed by words, circumstances,
or an invitation to a battle. I have choices.

Let me be released from perfectionism
and acknowledge that chaos and uncertainty
are part of the fabric. Let me resist pulling threads.

Just for this moment....

Today....

Today is 100% choices.

I choose to groan or be grateful when I come to
consciousness.

I choose whether or not to get out of bed.

I choose my attitude and focus for the day.

Circumstance cannot command our mindset or
spiritual devotion; if it does, we are lost. (But we can
always re-center and re-start!)

Today I choose to act as if I have good sense. It
doesn't have to be the case; I am just going to pretend
until some good sense pops up!

If I am confused about morality, I will ask myself if
my grandmother would be proud watching down on me
as I do or say or think something.

If I am baffled or find a situation mysterious, I will
ask myself "Would I do or say this if I were being video-
taped or audio recorded?"

When I find myself frustrated with people closest to me,
I will ask "How would I treat a potential new employer,
a new romantic interest, or someone else I wish to impress?"
Then I'll act accordingly with what's right, not what's
habit or convenient.

I will not worry about how other people interpret any part of
my living, so long as I am right within myself and with God.
This does not mean being closed off to or rude regarding
people's sensitivities; I simply will not be swayed to do the
wrong thing by peer pressure.

If I feel the need to speak ill (or in any way be hostile, rude,
dismissive, condescending, etc.) let me first remember what
it felt like to be treated in such a manner. (And always
understand that cruelty is always seemingly able to be
rationalized, but it is never justified.)

I choose to not speak every thought that comes into my head.
I don't know everything, my opinion is not always right, I
do not need to be involved in everything that goes on, and
furthermore--nobody gives a damn.

If I know something about someone, I can keep it to myself.
if they wish to advertise, it's their business. It is never mine.
If others begin to speak of those not present, I can excuse
myself or simply say "I don't wish to participate." What other
people's response is isn't my concern.

Choices.

Each and every one shapes the entire fabric of my day.
Each one brings about a reality that bounces me onto the
next mood, decision, reaction, situation, etc. If I choose
carefully, I can be either close or far from goodness, mercy,
light, grace, hope, and faith. The power to choose--or change
directions--is at my disposal at every moment of every day.

Instead of assuming a negative outcome, or fretting over a
dark past, let me transform this moment now with love.
What's the worst that could happen?
Where has all the negativity gotten me?
What has all the complaining accomplished?

Live as if every decision could be the last one you are judged by;
it very well could be.

Expectations Vs. Demands

Y'know, whenever something makes me really uncomfortable, it's generally
because I need to hear it but don't want to. This reading from last Sunday's
(Valentine's Day) Daily Reflections has been recirculating continuously.
I'm aware, I'm striving for openness, but my heart is resistant to change.
I'm going to keep reading this one every day.

Maybe someone else can relate, too.

**********************************************************************



EXPECTATIONS vs. DEMANDS

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98

Dealing with expectations is a frequent topic at meetings. It isn’t wrong to expect progress of myself, good things from life, or decent treatment from others. Where I get into trouble is when my expectations become demands. I will fall short of what I wish to be and situations will go in ways I do not like, because people will let me down sometimes. The only question is: “What am I going to about it?” Wallow in self-pity or anger; retaliate and make a bad situation worse; or will I trust in God’s power to bring blessings on the messes in which I find myself? Will I ask Him what I should be learning; do I keep on doing the right things I know how to do, no matter what; do I take the time to share my faith and blessings with others?

Thoughts for the Day

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.
It turns what we have into enough, and more.
It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order,
confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a
home, a stranger into a friend.
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace
for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."
--Melody Beattie



Life is not an easy matter... You cannot live through it
without falling into frustration and cynicism unless you
have before you a great idea which raises you above
personal misery, above weakness, above all kinds of
perfidy and baseness.
--Leon Trotsky




I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true.
I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live
by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody
that stands right, and stand with him while he is right,
and part with him when he goes wrong.
--Abraham Lincoln

"Hope you're doing well..."

I know better than to ask 'how' you're doing.
It seems insensitive in light of your current
plight.

I don't say 'Hope you're doing okay,'
because that sounds like I'm cursing you to
mediocrity.

I say "I hope you are doing well" as a prayer
and a blessing for your continued mental,
physical, emotional, and spiritual well being.
It may be all that I can do, until you are
ready to let me in, but it is not a wish made of
empty feelings.

'Doing well' means that I hope you are
remembering to care for yourself since
I can't. I hope you are doing the things
necessary to stay healthy, wealthy, and
wise...even though your heart may not
be in it.

It means I hope that you aren't letting
your friends and family's emotional
issues and traumas seep over and have
an adverse effect on you. Because you
and I can't allow ourselves the luxury
of absorbing other people's tragedies. We
have enough trouble 'fixing' us. And if
we aren't staying well and balanced and
focused and sturdy, we certainly can't
be of use to others.

I say all of this with true compassion,
and not a hint of animosity (though
you may not believe it now;) I am strong
enough to take your pain and lashing
out right now. I understand that you are
angry at things you can't control; death,
life, God, circumstance. I just happen to
be someone whom you can wrap words
and wrath around. And maybe you trust
I will love you enough to look beyond
this. I will not take it inside and make it
personal.

'Doing well' is shorthand all the great many
things I would like to say but that I am
not granted the time or audience to
say. My window of opportunity may not
be sufficient to speak the mountains of love
and concern I have in my heart for you.

It means, as cruel as this is, that life does
go on for the living. And if we don't stay in
the flow, it does go on without us. That won't
change reality, it won't bring anyone back,
and it certainly won't honor their memory
and importance to squander our miracle.
Our voice. Our passion. Our purpose.

Until the zest returns, until the light is back
on, you may have to muddle through and
fake it. Please fake it, until such time comes.
Let the action draw you along until the
inspiration returns.
We still love and need you.

Our pain cannot define us. Our grief and
misery cannot rule us. It isn't healthy for
us. It isn't fair to the living. It isn't respect
for the departed. This, too, shall pass.

Feel your rage.
Express it wisely, for your life is still going
strong, and you may have need of tomorrow.

Scream in a parked car. Beat a tree with a
bat. Get a punching bag and beat the hell
out of it. Get a junkyard car and destroy it.
Walk for hours. Run. Pray. Cuss God.
Cry.

Write your thoughts down. Send a letter to
your loved one. Talk to another person who
grieves. See a counselor. Go to group.
Let people in. Pray for help and understanding.
Release the pain.
Ask for help.

Everything you're feeling is normal and
all of it's okay. Feeling like hell is part of
tragedy. Hard as it is, we can and will make
it. Even though we may not care right now.

The only way past it, is through it. And until
you make it through, I pray you are doing
well. As well as can be expected. As well
as you can muster. Well enough to see what
blessings are still present, and not obscured
by loss.

I'll still be here when you're ready.

Self empowerment does not come at a price

I am capable of every good thing
 and so are all others I meet
I am a blessed and brilliant child of the universe
 and so too are those that try me
I am receptive to and deserving of all love
 as are strangers and friends alike
I am drawing prosperity of every sort
and there is enough to go around

Need for New Voices

The messages we play in our head tend to repeat themselves again and again. Consistency and intensity is what ties us to a notion--not necessarily reality.

A thought sets in motion the idea that the thought has merit simply because it has occurred and is not being actively challenged. This is not logical, but it is how we tend to function. We know all too well the phrase "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." but the problem is in our discernment skills and skewed perspective. We may not have a clue it's broken.

A word of sarcasm enters the room and fills the hearts of all who hear it.
Hatefulness lets others know you have a sharp tongue.
Speaking ill of others to their face releases venom and ill will.
Speaking about others behind their back informs others you are petty and deceptive.
There is no such thing as a 'little white lie.'
Cussing someone out in your mind while smiling and pretending tends to fool no one.
Gossip lets others know you are not to be trusted.
And so on, and so on...
The words and ideas we maintain have a vast impact on our immediate energy, mood, relationships, and the world we live in.

And like everything else, it's all related. So when we toss out a pebble of negativity, it causes a ripple effect that spreads outward.

In order to change the voices and ideas that we were burdened with from the past, we have to be willing to question and gauge their value. Then we have to make an inventory and decide what's worthwhile and what gets tossed. Then comes the task of "What do I put in my head --or my mouth--in place of all the old counter-productive, negative, complaining, catastrophizing thoughts and words?"

Instead of accusing and berating someone for doing something differently from how you would do it, ASK them if they wouldn't mind doing it your way. (Or, decide whether or not it's significant enough to bother with, and then let it go if it's minor. We get caught up on some of the craziest minutia.)

If someone is where you need to be, politely ask them to move. Sounds simple, but many people think that silently resenting is being 'non-confrontational.' It's passive-aggressive.

Where Do We Creatively Visualize

What do you 'do' when you awaken in the morning?

What are the first thoughts that pop into your head?

What are you thinking as you interact with others?

How do you feel about your job?

Do you feel grateful for what things are working in your life?
(Can you even see such things? Or does the idea anger you?)

Cuts Both Ways

If I would seek tolerance,
let me learn to be tolerant
of who others are and what
they believe, despite my
feelings.

If I would know love without
demands or criticisms, let
me practice being loving
without hesitation or reserve.

Instead of concentrating on
how others act and speak, let
me change my critical ways.
Let not one negative thought
come to my mind or lips
(including "This exercise is too
hard.")