Sunday, September 12, 2010

Switching obsessions

All my focus is on changing others,
proving them wrong, expecting my
needs to be magically understood and
met, and trying to 'help' others out.

Instead of working on my own issues
and situations.

I always felt so overwhelmed by my
own problems that I simply gave up
on trying to do anything about them.

Now, it's easier to be distracted by
helping others than to focus on the real
things needing attention in my life.

There is a huge difference in being caring
and being a caretaker. If I find myself
trying to become so significant in another
person's life, maybe it's because I don't
feel I matter otherwise?

Or perhaps I am simply regurgitating old
habits. I know that as an addict, I am prone
to extremism.
It is so very possible for me
to exchange one addiction/obsession for
another, regardless of the 'healthier' angle
to it.

I can just as easily become immersed in a person,
a relationship, an idea, a cause, a theory, a
job, a hangout, or whatever....anything that is
outside of me and takes the focus from being on
the things I want to avoid.

Let me gently remember that my focus
needs to first and foremost be on me.
My basic needs, my comfort, my wants,
my dreams, my purpose. Afterwords, I
can offer myself to others.

But I must be interacting as a whole being,
not seeking to become whole as a result of my
interaction with another person, place, or thing.

Learning to be me is an ongoing process,
but I must maintain healthy barriers to those
near me during the process. Let me see the
difference between being available to others
and trying to save/live through others.

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