"To every thing a season....."
I have learned a great deal about acceptance
and "Letting Go" as much needed life lessons
during this past year. But I have to remember
that no solution is an absolute solution, to be
applied universally. There are times when we
have to find our inner warrior. No one else can do it
"Clean up, suit up, show up, pay attention,
and WORK!" as a friend of a friend was known to say.
Yeah, that's a simple concept...that I lost track of;
the importance of doing the work that's needed.
(And for me, the lesson is not just easing through
things or reacting to life; you have to mentally and
emotionally situate yourself before you ever leave the
house. Hell, before you get out of bed!)
I had lost contact with my inner warrior.
I lost my Mojo in a major way. Not wanting to live
anymore will do that to you, I suppose. Actively
wanting to die kind of puts a fine point on it, too.
But at the end of the day, the realization that my
inability to depend on other--or outside influence
of any kind--had scared me badly.
I felt so desolate and alone; I forgot I still had my
Most Valuable Resource, though neglected and
out of shape. Me.
Capable, insightful, talented, beautiful, loving, fierce,
artistic, trail-blazing, unique me. My one greatest gift
I think the notion of ego and self-care gets such a bad
rap in this country....Promoting self is not a bad thing.
In fact, we have to do it to survive. To be demure or
to ride ourselves about mistakes risks destroying our already
fragile souls. We need to be lifted up, respected, loved,
embraced, and believed in...and it starts within.
I had a choice this week; Roll over and die, or rise up
and fight like my life depended on it. Because it does.
This is the decision we all face every day;
Live, or die. It's inherent in every choice we make, little
or big; eat properly, allow stress to reign, continue bad
habits, isolate or join, stay in the bed or get up, give up
or keep fighting. It'll never be 'easy,' but just making the
choice to TRY turns the battle.
"Character is defined by what you do on the 15th attempt."
I can. I think I will. Just do it.
Drop all the fears of others' reactions, ignore the trepidation
within, don't worry about being understood; just live the life
you were meant to. Or take risks discovering what that is.
I hope and pray that every one of you decide to dig
deep and fight when it's your turn at the bat. It's
within us, waiting to be awakened.