The messages we play in our head tend to repeat themselves again and again. Consistency and intensity is what ties us to a notion--not necessarily reality.
A thought sets in motion the idea that the thought has merit simply because it has occurred and is not being actively challenged. This is not logical, but it is how we tend to function. We know all too well the phrase "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." but the problem is in our discernment skills and skewed perspective. We may not have a clue it's broken.
A word of sarcasm enters the room and fills the hearts of all who hear it.
Hatefulness lets others know you have a sharp tongue.
Speaking ill of others to their face releases venom and ill will.
Speaking about others behind their back informs others you are petty and deceptive.
There is no such thing as a 'little white lie.'
Cussing someone out in your mind while smiling and pretending tends to fool no one.
Gossip lets others know you are not to be trusted.
And so on, and so on...
The words and ideas we maintain have a vast impact on our immediate energy, mood, relationships, and the world we live in.
And like everything else, it's all related. So when we toss out a pebble of negativity, it causes a ripple effect that spreads outward.
In order to change the voices and ideas that we were burdened with from the past, we have to be willing to question and gauge their value. Then we have to make an inventory and decide what's worthwhile and what gets tossed. Then comes the task of "What do I put in my head --or my mouth--in place of all the old counter-productive, negative, complaining, catastrophizing thoughts and words?"
Instead of accusing and berating someone for doing something differently from how you would do it, ASK them if they wouldn't mind doing it your way. (Or, decide whether or not it's significant enough to bother with, and then let it go if it's minor. We get caught up on some of the craziest minutia.)
If someone is where you need to be, politely ask them to move. Sounds simple, but many people think that silently resenting is being 'non-confrontational.' It's passive-aggressive.