No doubt about it; habits are hard to break.
There is no magic wand or formula for eliminating
old thinking, feeling, and behavior patterns that
have long been in effect. We have to work at it.
Here are some ways that have helped me.
* I have found to help counter the old
thinking I must detach from it emotionally; stop
allowing myself to believe that the item or person
has power simply because my brain and body are
telling me that they do. I can't always believe my
* Change my activities. If I "always" do a routine
a certain way, it allows my brain to get lazy with
the expectation of continuity. Mixing things up can
keep me on my toes, as well as inspire me and
give me more freedom.
* Give myself some new 'tapes' to play. I'm an
adult; I no longer have to believe what I was taught to
by others who did not have my interests at heart. I
can come up with new ideas to sustain, support,
and champion what is truly important to me.
* New faces, new places. To help be rid of the old,
I find it best to not sit around being miserable, but to
find/create positive new interests to occupy me. This
means starting a class or a hobby, or going someplace
new and risking talking to strangers.
(It does not mean jumping into bed with people,
starting a new romance, nor replacing recently-departed
Fluffy with a new dog!)
* Challenge myself. When the old crap starts inevitably
resurfacing, seeming all desirable and comfortable, I
don't just roll over and let it back in the house. I grill
it: What did you really do for me? What did I ever see
in you? Why am I afraid to move on and grow? Why
am I willing to backslide and waffle, when I know the
truth as to what is correct for me?
* Acceptance. I have learned that being remorseful, sad,
grief-stricken, angry, confused, hesitant, and fearful are
all natural, valid emotions that pop up from time to time,
even in the most clear-cut of choices. I allow them a place
in my body and don't feel strong-armed to take them as
a sign of bad decisions, nor do I let them rule my day.
I can feel stuff and still be productive and positive.
It is simplicity itself to stay still or revert to type.
Change is a constant struggle, but eventually there is
a pay-off wherein you know you are doing the right thing....
even if no one around you can see it but you. Hang tough,
learn to believe in yourself, and stick to it. When you're
blazing your own trail, there's no longer an easily identified
'norm' to refer to for guidance. You can find what you need
only by going within yourself for the vision and courage you