All Within

COURAGE will keep you warm at night....

       Let Ostracism reign;

             I remain unaffected!

                  Being alone isn't Lonely!

There's far too much to do, anyway.

                    ***

Who's Pulling Your Strings?

Get the whole world in your hands



Instead of feeding my old assumptions about the 'holiday season' 
this year, I relinquished all my old expectations.
I said farewell to other people's notions of what 'is'
or 'should be' and even my own childhood sense 
of loss for the reality that exists.
I just let go and let it be another day in the neighborhood.

And it was good.

I didn't go anywhere I didn't want to go, didn't surround
myself with anyone I didn't want to see, didn't get
involved in any activities/traditions/habits that
were not to my liking, and I felt not one single iota
of disconnect or detachment because I was not
"part of" this massive movement.
Because I'm not; I'm me..and only me.


I can do my thing and be the only person on the planet doing so, and that's cool.
I owe no explanations, and need no one's approval.
I can craft whatever kind of day or week I need
based on my needs, and not feel threatened
or left out or lonely. It's all an attitude.


One day has no more 'magic' than another.
I am not obligated to perform trendy rituals.
I need make no apology for my beliefs.
I needn't get upset about other people's foolishness.
The predictability of human drama is entertaining if you let it be.


Be the designer of the world you want.
Give yourself permission!








***************************************

Asking a Better Solution of Your Worries

If I am lonely, I will hold my own hand.....

If I am sad, I will know that it passes in time.

If I am disturbed, I will assess the source accurately.

If I am maligned, I will pay no heed.

If others dismiss me, I will know they are missing out.

If my dreams are not met, I will remember

that unmet dreams are a part of the journey,

and not a final outcome.

If I am scared, I will endeavor to understand why

and know that fear and worry is human,

but meaningless.

If I feel less than, I will know

that it is a lie, and change focus to embrace

all that is right with me. No one else's goals

are my goals.

If I feel left out or unattended, I will remember

that I am responsible for my own entertainment

and empowerment and education.

There are always books, music, movies

and other sources of connection

from like-minded comrades past and present.

If I begin to worry, I will remember...

that worry is weakness taught.

I will relearn a better solution to my

mind's turmoil.

*******************

A Chance to Shine

Though we are connected,
we are at heart a Power of One


'Alone' is a blessing..
we see our path more clearly..
we recognize the strength within...
the artifice of pleasing others disappears
   from the landscape...


Less distractions lead to discovering
our true calling.
Whether we succeed or fail, there is
no one outside of us
that will ever care about it 

or be as deeply affected....
begone, illusion, evermore.


Chaos + Change = Opportunity


Take time, explore the realms within...
Be the support you need....
Challenges are chances, not obstacles....


Choices are abundant if only
we open our eyes and minds....
There is strength in adversity.....
clarity in death of old agreements....


If something has outlived its use,
it is not a negative to lose it on our way;
it's far better than losing our way while
trying to carry it forward.


Loneliness is motivation to find 
your passion, your calling, your voice
which will fulfill you always
if you feed and care for it.


Life is a continuous flow of ups 
and downs.
This is neither curse nor confusing;
it simply 'is.'
Breathe in the experience.....
one moment at a time....

How to be Alone...by Tanya Davis & Andrea Dorfman

Changing my inner landscape...one thought, one hour at a time....

******************************************
.Here is an amazing film by Tanya Davis and Andrea Dorfman.

Some brilliant and inspiring ideas on being alone, loneliness,
making the most of time, healing the past, being secure and being
human. Truly beautiful.
.
Really for everyone, but single people in particular (like moi) will
especially find their voice represented. Enjoy.

Today is a good day to live, because I decide for it to be...

Peace....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGZrEM_14y0&feature=related

Healing by Osmosis?

When I come in the door to my house, my first
thoughts are not (always) on doing whatever my
animals need done for them, even though I say
I care about them.

I am selfish and concerned about decompressing
after a long day. I don't think about how they've
been cooped up and devoid of company. I don't
appreciate the love and affection they show me;
I am annoyed that I have to perform.

I look to the answering machine for the 'magic
bullet' of proof that someone cares. My thoughts
tend not to be on "Who do I know that's going
through a rough time, that I should call and share
some encouragement with?"

(No, I feel lonely and self-pitying when there are
no messages on the machine. Once more, looking
to things outside of me for my strength and
support.)

The same is true every time I check e-mails, go
to the mailbox or Post Office box, and so on.
There's always a spirit of anticipation of "What's
coming my way to make me feel complete....
appreciated....loved?"

My focus is still on what others can do for me,
not what I can do for others (Thanks, Prez!)

We are by nature selfish creatures, but we
also have the duality of needing connection to
the rest of the world. These two things seem to
work at cross-purposes, until I discovered that
in seeking to be of service to others, and finding
a connection to something greater, I found a
place of contentment and belonging.

But the old ways die hard, and that angst can
pop up at any time.

Anger and frustration, irritation...they all emerge
from selfishness. If we block love from anyone
at any time, we are deciding the course not only of
their day, but our own.

Choosing not to love others enough as they are
is what results in anger, frustration, irritation, and
other low end emotions.

Focusing on our needs not being met (as we see
it,) rather than having gratitude for what is right--
is the penultimate selfishness and detached action.
There is always something that needs doing;
lonely people who need attention, sick people who
need care, hungry people, homeless people, hurt
animals, community needs, and so on.

The fact that need is never-ending is not an
overwhelming notion; it should be incentive to
start taking action. Every person has something to
offer, in ways large or small.

Love is never wasted action, no matter the reaction
or response. We don;'t always know what someone is
thinking or feeling; we do right for the sake of doing it.
Heck, do good deeds anonymously to get a real kick.
Positive action produces more of same.
Stagnation--withholding love and nursing pain--
maintains the status quo.

If not you, then who?
If we all wait for our princes and queens to save us,
we're going to be waiting a long time.

Even if there isn't a miraculous cure for our pity
as we engage others, we'll still make a difference.
It's still more productive than filling time. Perhaps the
gratitude and the release will come in time.
Getting outside of ourselves really is the best tonic
for all our ills.

Our Need For Touch

There are many ways to change a negative pattern. Start looking critically at how you do all the things in your life; listen and watch your day as if you were an outside observer experiencing it all for the first time. You may be surprised at what you witness.

We have need of touch, to feel welcome and human and whole. Whether or not we have loved ones present who provide us with daily tactile stimulation, it is important to love our own bodies. To feel connected to and comfortable with our own bodies is a major hurdle for many of us, but that simply highlights the importance and necessity of starting work.

(NOTE: Even though these acts are not sexual or invasive in nature, if you have serious traumatic issues of rape or physical abuse, these sorts of exercises should not be done without supervision, therapist input, controlled environment, or much study and preparation.)

Researchers have proven consistently that touch can make the difference in a multitude of issues, including;
* Regular touch helps decrease depression
* Constant touch stimulates senses and brain responses
* Prolonged touch can 'anchor' people to more calm, less stressful states
* Touch improves circulation
* Massage releases toxins from the body
* Muscles and tendons manage better with deliberate healthful touch
* Nurturing touch creates more elevated moods and promotes better overall health

In relation, a lack of regular touch has been found to increase problems including:
* Lack of connectedness, feelings of security, sense of being loved
* Increased depression, frustration, suicidal tendencies
* Increased difficulties with health
* Greater chance of heart and bowel problems
* Social dis-ease and antisocial behavior
* Anger

*******************************************************************

LEARNING TO OVERCOME SOCIAL STIGMA......(and
maintaining boundaries!)

It will take some doing for some of us to learn to be more sociable. Don't beat yourself up if it feels unnatural; you aren't a demon seed! It takes time to get accustomed to something that isn't a normal part of your world. Keep at it. Hang in there! Not every hug happens gracefully. Not every handshake feels super. Don't over think it. Try not to get discouraged.

Also, some of these more personal aspects of touch are not for making a show of yourself. They are for quiet moments to yourself where you feel safe and secure; not public places. (If you feel fine hugging yourself in public, more power to you! Just know that's not the expectation!)

If you are very self-conscious and don't live alone, I suggest making time to be alone in a bathroom to yourself so there is no fear of someone walking in and embarrassing you. If you don't have space to be alone at home, go into a bathroom stall or storage room at work. If you can't do it at work, park your car somewhere deserted on the way home and do it. There's always a way.

*******************************************************************

Some ideas:


Touch can take place as simply as clasping your hands together and praying.

You can give yourself temple massages on your head while waiting in lines, sitting at red lights, or watching a movie.

When you shower or bathe, explore your body with your hands. Put your mind into a loving and accepting spirit to do this. If that seems difficult at first, vow simply to not be critical of yourself. Feel and experience as a casual, detached observer. Know yourself.

When you take off your shoes, rub your feet. Separate your toes, massage and 'play' with them.

Take up yoga. You can find beginner tapes that are for every type of novice (I could only do about 4 minutes worth of yoga --on a beginner's tape!--when I began. Now, with time and practice, I can do over an hour. This is the perfect way to learn relaxation, connection to body, discipline, and flexibility no matter your physical limitations. It can even help with weight loss and other health matters.)

Hug your friends when you see them, as you are comfortable. (Not everyone hugs; you have to respect that. If you are one of those people, at least consider opening yourself up to it.)

Shake hands whenever possible. Even during flu season.

Place a hand on the shoulder of someone going through a rough time, if that feels natural. It could be the connection to the world that changes a day. It's a simple, supportive gesture that is not too forward in most situations. Bold and risky, yes. But giving touch is as important as receiving it.

Give yourself a hug. A pat on the head. A pat on the back. A playful slap on the face. Your opinion of you counts more than anyone else's; learn to be the giver of things you need. It may feel awkward at first, since we are conditioned to be self-conscious and not stand out, but it will make a world of difference.

Instead of obsessing about not being the recipient of another human's love, get a pet. They crave attention and love, and respond to it beautifully. (Did I mention not getting a cat?) Doctors have shown that those who have an animal companion and take part in petting, being close, receiving licks, etc. are more vibrant and light-hearted. If you cannot care for a pet, walk dogs for a neighbor. Volunteer at the Humane Society. Help at a local vet. There's always a way.

Get a professional massage.

Have a friend (with whom you feel comfortable) give a shoulder rub. Many people have a taboo associated with any sort of massage because of sexual connotations. That's unfortunate, because a light, gentle working of shoulder muscles can release a lot of tensions. (Do not let someone play doctor and try and do deep tissue rubs or anything that doesn't feel good! If they are not trained, stick to gentle fingertip work or flats of hands! As always, if it doesn't feel good or right, you have the right to say 'No!' or "Stop!") And for all touch exercises involving another person, you should have a 'safe' word that definitively tells them to stop.

Visit kids. Kids are not yet trained to be scared of expressing affection. They touch your face and inspect the hairs on your arms and ask questions and acknowledge you. They hug without hesitation (well, on a good day!) and show warmth and interest. They kiss you on the cheek and playfully slap and hit you. It is a welcome change from grown folks calculating how close to sit/not sit, whether or not to hug, worrying about your weight, withholding affections, hesitating to look directly at you, recoiling, etc.

Volunteer at the nursing homes in your area. Touring these facilities is hard, sure; think how hard it would be to stay there without a visitor. Going through the lineup of people sitting outside their rooms, you will find an inordinate amount of willing souls to grab hold of your hand.

Go to clubs, meetings, events, church, and other gatherings where--at least during the services--people are very welcoming and friendly. Perhaps a group where hand-shaking or hugs are a part of the regular mix. Everyone deserves the chance to be made secure and loved.

Work out with a partner, or hire a trainer. Exercise is another great stress reliever, especially for people dealing with depression.

Join an activity that involves physical contact. Even softball and running (with a group or team) involve coming into contact with other people. Increasing your involvement around other people opens up the possibilities for more hugs, handshakes, pats on the back than sitting at home.

If you are homebound, look into getting a physical therapist, caregiver, masseur, etc. who will do foot massage and other light activities. Ask a doctor to help you with this.

Join a group therapy program with people who are involved in the same issues. There are support groups and training programs in some larger cities to help people overcome shyness and other blocks from getting physical needs met. They work on such things as trust-building exercises, feeling the energy exchange between hands held, and more.

Feel free to offer your ideas on how to incorporate healing touch into a day!