The saying goes that something can only hurt you if it's close to you,
but isn't it just as true to say that the 'closer' we are to something
allows it to hurt us?
The more attachment we have to a sensationalized 'need' (whether it
be a person, place, thing, idea, or feeling) the more we are made weak
by a perceived dependence.
I can allow myself to feel directed and controlled by romance, lust, greed,
approval, hurt, neediness, loneliness, lacking, and more. But if I accept that
nothing outside of me has any bearing on me, then lower level emotions like
jealousy, fear, worry, and the like become illusion.
There's nothing wrong with having feelings for other people and allowing
them space --and even significance-- in our world, but we go overboard.
We typically don't have a complete and whole universe where we function
autonomously and others are peripherally intact. We become enmeshed.
We become addicted to one person providing us with the love and support
we feel we need to make it through daily life. We stick to favorite eating
places. We drive the same way home every day. We avoid difference and
newness at every turn.
We start with impulse, which fuels desire, which leads to expectation.
When expectation isn't met, we face disappointment and disillusionment
and the idea that we 'need' to have something we have been deprived of begins.
In order to separate from such a void or become stable, I must eliminate
all expectation and demands from the Universe.
There is nothing promised to me, even basic breath and life. Each moment
that I exist is a miracle of opportunity and blessings that I can see if I
remove the blinders of my limited thinking.
Every person is a potential friend.
Every circumstance could be our last on the planet.
Every beloved person can leave us, betray us, die.
All aspects of the world we live in are ever-changing and fluid;
we can only flow with the rhythm of whatever occurs. Or be broken by it.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Our Closest Attachments, part 2
If we associate spirituality too closely with specific ideas,
specific groups, specific buildings, and specific rituals, we
lose out on the whole of true spiritual experience.
If we place too much trust or esteem in any one person,
we are building ourselves up for a fall. The humanity of the
individual is not at fault; our unrealistic expectations have
made us prey to doused hope.
The more we practice too much need or dependence on too
few for too often, we are allowing ourselves to fall into a trap.
We become spiritually lazy by looking for regularity and
rigidity and consistency in a world where such things are an
illusion and a deception.
There is chaos and there is coincidence and there is happenstance.
But we have no understanding of the workings of this world. Of what
motivates others. Of what will happen in five minutes, or five days,
or five years. Or even IF there will be something in five minutes.
We are meager creatures at the mercy of the whim of the unseen,
and only by accepting that helplessness and ignorance to we have
a chance of surviving. When I try and fit everything into a tiny and
comfortable pigeonhole with simplistic workings, I hinder my growth.
Whether people act as I think they 'should' or not is not the issue; the
issue is why do I care how people act?
Why do I expect and demand?
Why do I perceive a need that would be met by outside forces?
Why is my mood and outlook affected by the slightest change in external
circumstances?
Why do I not keep focus on my insides alone?
Why do I persist in wanting to control people, places, and things?
Why is my sense of self dictated by others' interest (or lack thereof?)
How do I learn to detach from these bad habits?
There is a happy medium between being obsessed with others and being
disconnected.
There is a middle ground between being controlled by others and having no
use for others.
There can be a balance between never being alone with your own thoughts
and isolating like a hermit.
I want for hurt feelings to be a thing of the past. I want to interact with people
without needing them. I want to understand on a primal level that what other
people do, say, think, etc. are of no concern to me. I want to stop demanding
and start experiencing.
For this to begin, I have to improve the level of questions I am willing to
ask myself about the world I find myself in, and the part I play in it.
specific groups, specific buildings, and specific rituals, we
lose out on the whole of true spiritual experience.
If we place too much trust or esteem in any one person,
we are building ourselves up for a fall. The humanity of the
individual is not at fault; our unrealistic expectations have
made us prey to doused hope.
The more we practice too much need or dependence on too
few for too often, we are allowing ourselves to fall into a trap.
We become spiritually lazy by looking for regularity and
rigidity and consistency in a world where such things are an
illusion and a deception.
There is chaos and there is coincidence and there is happenstance.
But we have no understanding of the workings of this world. Of what
motivates others. Of what will happen in five minutes, or five days,
or five years. Or even IF there will be something in five minutes.
We are meager creatures at the mercy of the whim of the unseen,
and only by accepting that helplessness and ignorance to we have
a chance of surviving. When I try and fit everything into a tiny and
comfortable pigeonhole with simplistic workings, I hinder my growth.
Whether people act as I think they 'should' or not is not the issue; the
issue is why do I care how people act?
Why do I expect and demand?
Why do I perceive a need that would be met by outside forces?
Why is my mood and outlook affected by the slightest change in external
circumstances?
Why do I not keep focus on my insides alone?
Why do I persist in wanting to control people, places, and things?
Why is my sense of self dictated by others' interest (or lack thereof?)
How do I learn to detach from these bad habits?
There is a happy medium between being obsessed with others and being
disconnected.
There is a middle ground between being controlled by others and having no
use for others.
There can be a balance between never being alone with your own thoughts
and isolating like a hermit.
I want for hurt feelings to be a thing of the past. I want to interact with people
without needing them. I want to understand on a primal level that what other
people do, say, think, etc. are of no concern to me. I want to stop demanding
and start experiencing.
For this to begin, I have to improve the level of questions I am willing to
ask myself about the world I find myself in, and the part I play in it.
"Everything is going to be all right."
It isn't some crazy notion lacking contact with life's
circumstances.
At the end of the day, it is a real and
powerful assessment of the significance of our silly
troubles (big, small and in-between) in the larger
scheme of things.
Negativity and despair can easily become a lifestyle.
When my thinking is devoid of hope, the defeatist
attitude becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Today, I will tell myself that
"Everything will be all right."
Even if I don't believe it, I will tell myself this.
Even if my surroundings and 'evidence' seem
to run contrary to it, I will repeat the mantra.
Even when my supposedly flawless deductive
reasoning tries to convince me of the pointlessness
of it, reminding me of how history has shown the
opposite to be true.
If you go looking for trouble, you're awfully
likely to find it.
If I expect the worst of people and relive hurts,
if I constantly go through a laundry list of worries
and resentments, the end results will reflect that.
Emotions are energy, and energy is powerful.
Many of us have acquired sick thinking and kept
it going through our own devices and choices.
Life can be whatever we make of it.
We are often times worriers, fretters, catastrophizers,
cynics, nay-sayers, trouble-seekers, and critics.
This has not served us well. In fact, perhaps it has
fueled the very fire we sought relief from.
Does "Everything's going to be all right." seem
ridiculous and insincere and insane to me?
How much more insane to think the worst and
complain incessantly for years when there were good
things happening too.
If I cease comparing my rewards to those of others,
if I cease dwelling on and naming my misfortunes,
if I ignore the drama of other people's unrelated
issues and problems; what do I have left?
(Reminding myself that nothing has been promised
to anyone in terms of success, glamor, money, or love.
Every bit that does occur is pure gravy.
What I focus on and believe brings new business into my life.
I can't make a hasty under-the-breath pseudo pledge, then
open my eyes and expect it to appear. It isn't magic.
It takes work.
It took work to wear down a negative groove of expecting
nothing good, and countering these dark thoughts and apathy
will also take some time.
But in the meantime, just for today, assume it were possibly
true; "Everything's going to be all right."
You might surprise yourself.
*****************************************************
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us
are looking at the stars."
- Oscar Wilde
"You can be happy or you can be miserable;
the amount of effort is about the same."
- John Bradshaw
"What we see depends mainly on what we look for."
- John Lubbock
"We will always tend to fulfill our own expectation of ourselves."
- Brian Tracy
circumstances.
At the end of the day, it is a real and
powerful assessment of the significance of our silly
troubles (big, small and in-between) in the larger
scheme of things.
Negativity and despair can easily become a lifestyle.
When my thinking is devoid of hope, the defeatist
attitude becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Today, I will tell myself that
"Everything will be all right."
Even if I don't believe it, I will tell myself this.
Even if my surroundings and 'evidence' seem
to run contrary to it, I will repeat the mantra.
Even when my supposedly flawless deductive
reasoning tries to convince me of the pointlessness
of it, reminding me of how history has shown the
opposite to be true.
If you go looking for trouble, you're awfully
likely to find it.
If I expect the worst of people and relive hurts,
if I constantly go through a laundry list of worries
and resentments, the end results will reflect that.
Emotions are energy, and energy is powerful.
Many of us have acquired sick thinking and kept
it going through our own devices and choices.
Life can be whatever we make of it.
We are often times worriers, fretters, catastrophizers,
cynics, nay-sayers, trouble-seekers, and critics.
This has not served us well. In fact, perhaps it has
fueled the very fire we sought relief from.
Does "Everything's going to be all right." seem
ridiculous and insincere and insane to me?
How much more insane to think the worst and
complain incessantly for years when there were good
things happening too.
If I cease comparing my rewards to those of others,
if I cease dwelling on and naming my misfortunes,
if I ignore the drama of other people's unrelated
issues and problems; what do I have left?
(Reminding myself that nothing has been promised
to anyone in terms of success, glamor, money, or love.
Every bit that does occur is pure gravy.
What I focus on and believe brings new business into my life.
I can't make a hasty under-the-breath pseudo pledge, then
open my eyes and expect it to appear. It isn't magic.
It takes work.
It took work to wear down a negative groove of expecting
nothing good, and countering these dark thoughts and apathy
will also take some time.
But in the meantime, just for today, assume it were possibly
true; "Everything's going to be all right."
You might surprise yourself.
*****************************************************
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us
are looking at the stars."
- Oscar Wilde
"You can be happy or you can be miserable;
the amount of effort is about the same."
- John Bradshaw
"What we see depends mainly on what we look for."
- John Lubbock
"We will always tend to fulfill our own expectation of ourselves."
- Brian Tracy
Reminder Notes
Robert:
A few memos to keep you stitched together
for another 24 hours!
Be glad in all you do.
Not everything is exciting; cat boxes still need changing
and rude people still exist.
Carry a positive attitude with you and know
that it's all just part of the way of the world.
This moment is all that we have.
Stay focused on it, experience it fully.
This moment is everything.
Slow down, and focus.
You can't avoid conflict; you can control how
you respond to it. Choose wisely.
Who you surround yourself with, what you think,
the things you do, the words you speak all lead
you to the next step of your life.
Decide what is worth your time.
Where possible, don't let your day be dictated to you.
There's no time to waste.
Quit procrastinating, quit spinning wheels,
quit avoiding, quit letting fear rule your mind and
decisions. It doesn't have to work out perfectly;
it doesn't even have to work out. Just do it.
Bad stuff happens. It's part of the whole of life; it isn't
the entirety. Sadness isn't the end of the show.
Setbacks aren't final. "To everything a season..."
There will be difficulties; they are unavoidable, but
not insurmountable.
Loving everyone equally--even when our heart isn't
in it--eliminates a lot of problems. Stop keeping score.
Stop paying attention to annoyances. Stop criticizing.
Make a point to say something nice--and true-- and
recognize the similarities and commonalities.
It's okay if people/activities/relationships don't work
out to your specifications, standards, or demands.
Be loose and be free, appreciating things as being okay
without my interference.
A final word--
There's a lot to apply from these memos. I don't
expect the work to get done today. Consider this
an open-ended assignment; something to work
towards and keep working towards. So long as I
see some progress, it's all good.
Keep in touch, regardless of how things go. I'd like
to be kept abreast of your changes. And, as always,
if you need help, I'm always able to be reached, any
time of the day or night.
I'm really a dream boss; open, easy to talk to,
supportive, and the provider of all benefits. Just get
the work done, and know that I appreciate your efforts.
I try not to involve myself unless asked; people seem
to misinterpret my efforts to help. I find some simple
suggestions for keeping things on track work.
But if there are any questions, or you need feedback of
any kind, I'm here for you.
Thanks,
Good Orderly Devotion
Director of Operations
A few memos to keep you stitched together
for another 24 hours!
Be glad in all you do.
Not everything is exciting; cat boxes still need changing
and rude people still exist.
Carry a positive attitude with you and know
that it's all just part of the way of the world.
This moment is all that we have.
Stay focused on it, experience it fully.
This moment is everything.
Slow down, and focus.
You can't avoid conflict; you can control how
you respond to it. Choose wisely.
Who you surround yourself with, what you think,
the things you do, the words you speak all lead
you to the next step of your life.
Decide what is worth your time.
Where possible, don't let your day be dictated to you.
There's no time to waste.
Quit procrastinating, quit spinning wheels,
quit avoiding, quit letting fear rule your mind and
decisions. It doesn't have to work out perfectly;
it doesn't even have to work out. Just do it.
Bad stuff happens. It's part of the whole of life; it isn't
the entirety. Sadness isn't the end of the show.
Setbacks aren't final. "To everything a season..."
There will be difficulties; they are unavoidable, but
not insurmountable.
Loving everyone equally--even when our heart isn't
in it--eliminates a lot of problems. Stop keeping score.
Stop paying attention to annoyances. Stop criticizing.
Make a point to say something nice--and true-- and
recognize the similarities and commonalities.
It's okay if people/activities/relationships don't work
out to your specifications, standards, or demands.
Be loose and be free, appreciating things as being okay
without my interference.
A final word--
There's a lot to apply from these memos. I don't
expect the work to get done today. Consider this
an open-ended assignment; something to work
towards and keep working towards. So long as I
see some progress, it's all good.
Keep in touch, regardless of how things go. I'd like
to be kept abreast of your changes. And, as always,
if you need help, I'm always able to be reached, any
time of the day or night.
I'm really a dream boss; open, easy to talk to,
supportive, and the provider of all benefits. Just get
the work done, and know that I appreciate your efforts.
I try not to involve myself unless asked; people seem
to misinterpret my efforts to help. I find some simple
suggestions for keeping things on track work.
But if there are any questions, or you need feedback of
any kind, I'm here for you.
Thanks,
Good Orderly Devotion
Director of Operations
Just For This Moment....
Just for this moment
Let me be still
Let me allow life to exist without
my orchestrating and protestations
Let me live as if this moment
were my last
worrying about nothing whatsoever
Let me recognize and accept that
everything is okay
and be free from angst, despair, regret,
manipulation or dramatic reaction
Let me try simplicity and peace,
being easy and free, leaving complications
and judgment behind. My opinion matters
very little.
Let me leave the past in the past;
it is only alive so long as I maintain a
connection to it.
Let me embrace this moment, here, now
and nothing more.
Let me release criticism of the world,
of God, of others, and even myself
one thought at a time. Let no gossip
pass my lips.
Let me leave pride and distancedness
and struggle and ego behind,
admitting that I need not be alone,
and that weakness is not defeat.
Let me carry myself towards my ideals
and carry those ideals with me; I need
not be swayed by words, circumstances,
or an invitation to a battle. I have choices.
Let me be released from perfectionism
and acknowledge that chaos and uncertainty
are part of the fabric. Let me resist pulling threads.
Just for this moment....
Let me be still
Let me allow life to exist without
my orchestrating and protestations
Let me live as if this moment
were my last
worrying about nothing whatsoever
Let me recognize and accept that
everything is okay
and be free from angst, despair, regret,
manipulation or dramatic reaction
Let me try simplicity and peace,
being easy and free, leaving complications
and judgment behind. My opinion matters
very little.
Let me leave the past in the past;
it is only alive so long as I maintain a
connection to it.
Let me embrace this moment, here, now
and nothing more.
Let me release criticism of the world,
of God, of others, and even myself
one thought at a time. Let no gossip
pass my lips.
Let me leave pride and distancedness
and struggle and ego behind,
admitting that I need not be alone,
and that weakness is not defeat.
Let me carry myself towards my ideals
and carry those ideals with me; I need
not be swayed by words, circumstances,
or an invitation to a battle. I have choices.
Let me be released from perfectionism
and acknowledge that chaos and uncertainty
are part of the fabric. Let me resist pulling threads.
Just for this moment....
Today....
Today is 100% choices.
I choose to groan or be grateful when I come to
consciousness.
I choose whether or not to get out of bed.
I choose my attitude and focus for the day.
Circumstance cannot command our mindset or
spiritual devotion; if it does, we are lost. (But we can
always re-center and re-start!)
Today I choose to act as if I have good sense. It
doesn't have to be the case; I am just going to pretend
until some good sense pops up!
If I am confused about morality, I will ask myself if
my grandmother would be proud watching down on me
as I do or say or think something.
If I am baffled or find a situation mysterious, I will
ask myself "Would I do or say this if I were being video-
taped or audio recorded?"
When I find myself frustrated with people closest to me,
I will ask "How would I treat a potential new employer,
a new romantic interest, or someone else I wish to impress?"
Then I'll act accordingly with what's right, not what's
habit or convenient.
I will not worry about how other people interpret any part of
my living, so long as I am right within myself and with God.
This does not mean being closed off to or rude regarding
people's sensitivities; I simply will not be swayed to do the
wrong thing by peer pressure.
If I feel the need to speak ill (or in any way be hostile, rude,
dismissive, condescending, etc.) let me first remember what
it felt like to be treated in such a manner. (And always
understand that cruelty is always seemingly able to be
rationalized, but it is never justified.)
I choose to not speak every thought that comes into my head.
I don't know everything, my opinion is not always right, I
do not need to be involved in everything that goes on, and
furthermore--nobody gives a damn.
If I know something about someone, I can keep it to myself.
if they wish to advertise, it's their business. It is never mine.
If others begin to speak of those not present, I can excuse
myself or simply say "I don't wish to participate." What other
people's response is isn't my concern.
Choices.
Each and every one shapes the entire fabric of my day.
Each one brings about a reality that bounces me onto the
next mood, decision, reaction, situation, etc. If I choose
carefully, I can be either close or far from goodness, mercy,
light, grace, hope, and faith. The power to choose--or change
directions--is at my disposal at every moment of every day.
Instead of assuming a negative outcome, or fretting over a
dark past, let me transform this moment now with love.
What's the worst that could happen?
Where has all the negativity gotten me?
What has all the complaining accomplished?
Live as if every decision could be the last one you are judged by;
it very well could be.
I choose to groan or be grateful when I come to
consciousness.
I choose whether or not to get out of bed.
I choose my attitude and focus for the day.
Circumstance cannot command our mindset or
spiritual devotion; if it does, we are lost. (But we can
always re-center and re-start!)
Today I choose to act as if I have good sense. It
doesn't have to be the case; I am just going to pretend
until some good sense pops up!
If I am confused about morality, I will ask myself if
my grandmother would be proud watching down on me
as I do or say or think something.
If I am baffled or find a situation mysterious, I will
ask myself "Would I do or say this if I were being video-
taped or audio recorded?"
When I find myself frustrated with people closest to me,
I will ask "How would I treat a potential new employer,
a new romantic interest, or someone else I wish to impress?"
Then I'll act accordingly with what's right, not what's
habit or convenient.
I will not worry about how other people interpret any part of
my living, so long as I am right within myself and with God.
This does not mean being closed off to or rude regarding
people's sensitivities; I simply will not be swayed to do the
wrong thing by peer pressure.
If I feel the need to speak ill (or in any way be hostile, rude,
dismissive, condescending, etc.) let me first remember what
it felt like to be treated in such a manner. (And always
understand that cruelty is always seemingly able to be
rationalized, but it is never justified.)
I choose to not speak every thought that comes into my head.
I don't know everything, my opinion is not always right, I
do not need to be involved in everything that goes on, and
furthermore--nobody gives a damn.
If I know something about someone, I can keep it to myself.
if they wish to advertise, it's their business. It is never mine.
If others begin to speak of those not present, I can excuse
myself or simply say "I don't wish to participate." What other
people's response is isn't my concern.
Choices.
Each and every one shapes the entire fabric of my day.
Each one brings about a reality that bounces me onto the
next mood, decision, reaction, situation, etc. If I choose
carefully, I can be either close or far from goodness, mercy,
light, grace, hope, and faith. The power to choose--or change
directions--is at my disposal at every moment of every day.
Instead of assuming a negative outcome, or fretting over a
dark past, let me transform this moment now with love.
What's the worst that could happen?
Where has all the negativity gotten me?
What has all the complaining accomplished?
Live as if every decision could be the last one you are judged by;
it very well could be.
Expectations Vs. Demands
Y'know, whenever something makes me really uncomfortable, it's generally
because I need to hear it but don't want to. This reading from last Sunday's
(Valentine's Day) Daily Reflections has been recirculating continuously.
I'm aware, I'm striving for openness, but my heart is resistant to change.
I'm going to keep reading this one every day.
Maybe someone else can relate, too.
**********************************************************************
EXPECTATIONS vs. DEMANDS
Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98
Dealing with expectations is a frequent topic at meetings. It isn’t wrong to expect progress of myself, good things from life, or decent treatment from others. Where I get into trouble is when my expectations become demands. I will fall short of what I wish to be and situations will go in ways I do not like, because people will let me down sometimes. The only question is: “What am I going to about it?” Wallow in self-pity or anger; retaliate and make a bad situation worse; or will I trust in God’s power to bring blessings on the messes in which I find myself? Will I ask Him what I should be learning; do I keep on doing the right things I know how to do, no matter what; do I take the time to share my faith and blessings with others?
because I need to hear it but don't want to. This reading from last Sunday's
(Valentine's Day) Daily Reflections has been recirculating continuously.
I'm aware, I'm striving for openness, but my heart is resistant to change.
I'm going to keep reading this one every day.
Maybe someone else can relate, too.
**********************************************************************
EXPECTATIONS vs. DEMANDS
Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98
Dealing with expectations is a frequent topic at meetings. It isn’t wrong to expect progress of myself, good things from life, or decent treatment from others. Where I get into trouble is when my expectations become demands. I will fall short of what I wish to be and situations will go in ways I do not like, because people will let me down sometimes. The only question is: “What am I going to about it?” Wallow in self-pity or anger; retaliate and make a bad situation worse; or will I trust in God’s power to bring blessings on the messes in which I find myself? Will I ask Him what I should be learning; do I keep on doing the right things I know how to do, no matter what; do I take the time to share my faith and blessings with others?
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